The Diary of a Teacher Who Hated Teaching

I hated teaching. I really did.

I hated how it takes a lot of effort to educate someone about anything. It is such a burden that you have to get off your high horse and stoop down to meet others where they are. What a waste of time teaching is when you could have used that precious time to further hone your craft and be better at your passion. Perhaps, you could have given more value and contributed more to the world that way.

I hated how you have to explain your thoughts over and over again, often using different words each time because they couldn’t get it right the first time, especially to smaller kids, who always seemed to ask questions so trivial that I don’t even bother asking them myself. Even worse are the young adults whom you have to teach; those who are supposed to have already learned about the things that they are asking about, but alas, they don’t.

I hate the systems that are currently in place. It stinks that every learner is judged by just a single number. It’s awful that teachers are so concerned with paper works that they aren’t able to give much time to devoting their creativity to make their classes more engaging and interesting, let alone have the time to go out and socialize or stay indoors with their loved ones. It’s awful that many of the educators in our country are OVERWORKED and UNDERPAID. Why aren’t our officials listening to the plight of the people in the frontlines of our educational systems?

Why are teachers even teaching in the first place? It’s so bad that it seems like you will only choose teaching if there’s no other choice! There’s nothing to love in this profession…

Or so I thought.

I ranted so much for the whole 3 years after I finished college that I forgot many times that I graduated with a degree in secondary education (major in chemistry). I escaped my destiny of serving the country as an educator coming from a premier university with my diploma paid for by the nation’s taxpayers. I sought a job that didn’t require too little time yet gave me a relatively fat paycheck every month. I told myself that I would never step in a classroom again to teach, given the everyday rigors that teachers in the Philippines go through and the meager salary that they get.

Me going around different SM branches all over the Philippines to install their cinema server systems.

I’ve been through so many jobs – sales, marketing, IT, graphic design, proofreading. I tried them all. I even went through the trouble of setting up my own business, all for the sake of becoming rich and running away from teaching… but God has his own ways of setting our paths on the right track. Indeed, a man’s heart may plan his course, but it is the Lord that determines his steps. As 2018 was coming to an end, being fed up with my work as an all-in-one sales officer/digital marketing specialist/IT consultant guy, I sought a breath of fresh air. Heeding a good friend’s advice, I applied as a college instructor in my alma mater in Valenzuela City – St. Louis College. I didn’t know how, but they hired me, and the new year began with me taking on a new assignment as an educator and influencer of the youth.

My first year of teaching was a trial period. In my first semester of teaching, I was working part-time as a graphic designer and digital marketing specialist, with some proofreading job orders from publishing company every now and then. Hence, my attention was often divided, trying to be excellent in too many things at once. Though I know I did my best considering the circumstances, I believe I could’ve done better. I was basing my pedagogy and grading methods on how we were taught in college while also reinventing the wheel, thinking of gimmicks to make our classes more interesting. I was often jolly and upbeat, albeit traditional and strict. I often cracked jokes to wake the students up and get their attention, considering that most of them are computer science and business majors, and science is, to be honest, really none of their business (pun-intended).

Come August, I decided to teach full time. I also didn’t know how, but I got accepted as an instructor in the flagship state university of Valenzuela City – Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Valenzuela. I was really looking forward to this new season as I will be able to give my full attention to a vocation that I am slowly but surely falling in love with. I felt that I could be better than how I fared before because there were less distractions from the other commitments I used to have. It was a brand-new season with me then fully embracing my role as an educator, and not just any education, an environmental educator at that. The whole semester was still a roller coaster. My work often kept me up at night and had me working and grinding even on the weekends. Somehow, I believe I was able to finish the semester strong. In our faculty evaluation at the end of the semester, I was able to unexpectedly garner a score of 4.71 out of 5.00, and as I pondered and reflected alone in my room, I realized that somehow, I am starting to love this life and I am good in what I do! This allowed me to realize that I am living a purposive life, a life where I am adding value to the lives of others, a life where I am able to contribute to the preservation of our environment, a life where I find meaning because I am becoming sure that I indeed matter.

Fast forward to today, my third semester is just halfway through (and suspended indefinitely 😞), but I can already remember countless moments that I would surely never forget. I am currently teaching roughly four hundred students about the importance of science and technology to our society. It’s crazy trying to balance my personal life, my relationships with all of them, and the work demands of this profession. It’s only by God’s grace that I am still able to sleep, albeit often barely enough, eat well, and have enough time to fulfill the many responsibilities that I have. Though every day is still a new day in our classroom and my jokes are always testing the waters, I always find joy in the times that I spend together with my students. I know that many of them think that it is just them who is learning from me, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I enjoy learning about my students’ personal lives and hearing stories from them about what they do outside our classroom. I enjoy hearing about the crazy things that they do and how they are living the life out there. There were also some stories that I’ve heard from them that weren’t particularly happy and upbeat, but it was through these stories that I learned to understand where they are coming from, that not all learners are as privileged as the others, and that many of them are fighting battles that we often don’t see.

I learned from them that though not all of us can do great things, we can do small things with great love. Though we may lack in skill and capability at times, we can make up for it with our effort as long as we love what we are doing. More often than not, the people that we are serving will appreciate what we do when they feel that we have really extended ourselves and given our all as we served them.

I learned from them that at the end of the day, while there are many things to hate about this profession, there are so many more reasons to keep teaching and influencing the younger generation. Over the last five years, I have been through many jobs, many colleagues, and many bosses, but never have I felt more purposeful than how much I do now as a teacher. I can hardly believe I was running away from this vocation for 3 years, but now, I cannot even bear the thought of being away from my students for 1 week, how much more if it is a whole month! #quaranteens

Every day, I look forward to seeing my students again. I don’t care who it is I will be meeting in the classroom; whoever they will be, I always get excited about new opportunities to learn from one another and find more reasons to love the work that I am doing for them.

I love seeing their faces light up when they understand what they’re hearing from me. It makes me feel a great sense of fulfillment that I am able to achieve the purpose for which I am expending my energy and exhausting my creativity every day.

I love hearing them ask questions that aren’t part of our discussion but is relevant to their daily lives. I find it even more satisfying when they send me a private message online just to ask a question that they weren't able to ask during our class.

"Sir, what is stopping our country from developing if we have sufficient knowledge in science and technology?"

"Sir, if I were to cook fish everyday and throw the cooking oil in the river, will I be causing oil pollution? If so, what can I do to reduce my environmental impact?"

"Sir, is it true that wearing masks doesn't reduce our vulnerability to COVID-19?"

Their curiosity fuels me to be curious, myself. When they ask questions like those, it shows that they are eager to know how they can apply their scientific knowledge to everyday scenario so that they can live better lives for themselves and for others.

I love it when they laugh at my jokes and make me continue believing that learning can also happen even while having fun. I found some of my college classes boring, and as a teacher, I wouldn't want to propagate an educational system where students only go to class out of obligation and not out of genuine interest. I want my students to step into our classroom because they themselves wanted to be there and they know that 3 hours of their life wouldn't pass by with them just staring into oblivion or drawing funny faces in their notebooks.

I love it when they reward your efforts by appreciating you and the things that you do for them. Every now and then, some students would send me a message thanking me for listening to them or simply appreciating them. I find myself surprised on moments like those as they go out of their way just to tell you how they feel.

I love it when they make you feel special during your milestones, like in having successfully endured your life for a quarter of a decade. I mean, wow, you didn't have to give me a cake, an apple, another cake, a birthday poster, another cake, a cup of coffee, another cake, a prayover, and 2 more cakes but thank you, my students, my friends! For the first time in my life, I was celebrating my birthday for 2 weeks with all those cakes, games, songs, and parties that you were throwing for me. Of course, it goes beyond the material things. Your greetings and messages for me were really, really touching and I appreciate all of them from the bottom of my heart. I really have no words to say anymore but wow!

I love it when they show their love for our country by being critical and voicing out the injustices that they see around them, whether it’s about the government or the social systems we have in place. I love seeing that they don’t only care about themselves by being the voice of the marginalized whose voices we often don’t hear as they are silenced by the endless rat race they need to endure just to survive their day-to-day lives. It gives me great joy knowing that my woke students are taking part in the social engineering of our society where equity and justice are the norm to make a better world for everyone.

I love it when my students become my friends. As an outgoing social butterfly, nothing makes me happier than strengthening my relationships with people I value and building new ones with people where we can thrive off one another's love and appreciation. No man is an island, indeed, and I certainly am living a happy, yuppie life because I know, I feel, and I am sure that I am loved by people whom I loved to bits and pieces.

I could go on and on about the reasons why I continue doing what I do with great love and gratitude, but this post is already a 9-minute read and I wouldn't want to waste 3 more hours of your precious time. I hated teaching, yes, but as I persisted in this profession by my personal choice, I found that my motivations to keep on definitely outweigh the reasons to quit. Suffice it to say that if I were given a chance to live my life a hundred times over, I would always, always, after all this time, always choose the road that I am taking now and I wouldn't have it any other way.