Dito ka muna. Tabi tayo.

Feeling the warm water trickle from my head down, my ever-busy mind can't help but wander off into oblivion, browsing through countless ways that this relationship can screw itself up and ways that I might screw my new life up and ways that fate might break down the pillars that I'm just starting to build. How can I not mess this up when everything that I've tried to build before crashed and burned in the end? How can I find success here when failure seemed to be the only result I've ever known? How can I trust the validity of my new hypothesis when all historical data shows otherwise? (Yes, spoken like a true researcher.)

Then, I heard your voice, "Dito ka muna. Tabi tayo."

You're right. Why am I so caught up with things that lie beyond my grasp? It's like I myself am unhinging the very foundations that I am just starting to build! Why am I so worried about my house's roof when the cornerstone hasn't even been put down? I don't need to figure everything out right here and now. I don't need to let my head wander miles and miles away, trying to solve the problems of tomorrow and leaving the things at arm's reach unattended. It would be foolish to let my heart be shattered by the prospect of you leaving while you lie here beside me, gazing at me with adoration and wondering if I am even real.

I remember being so worried just weeks ago about my finances, as the end of the current World Bank project reared its ugly head again. So many questions popping up back then, to which the answers spewed out even more questions until I overwhelmed myself in this vicious cycle.

Then, I heard your voice, "Dito ka muna. Tabi tayo."

So I did. I gazed on the present and let go of what lied further ahead. "It will sort itself out," I told myself, convinced that I ought to not let the uncertainty of the future ruin the beauty of the what, or rather who, is beside me right now. It would be foolish to let my mind be crushed by the idea of being a failure of a man while you stare at me like I'm the most perfect being you've ever met and take pride in the things I've been pouring my life and heart into.

Sort itself out, it did, for just a couple of days later, the boss called me asking if I want to continue working with the team, who recognized the quality of the work I've been delivering over the past year. I won't be broke, at least not for the next few months. I'll still have the means to sustain myself, and occasionally spoil you on dates. I'll get to save up money for our life ahead, be it a house or a condo or a golden retriever (and a doghouse na rin where we'll live haha!). I'll get to prepare for the future that I want to give both myself and us, so we won't be enduring the situations that we did as kids.

Then, I heard your voice, "Dito ka muna. Tabihan mo ako."

Palangga, I may always be getting ahead of things and trying to brace myself (and ourselves) for whatever worse may come. Noble as it may be, it robs today of its joy. Indeed, tomorrow lies as a mystery; yesterday lies as history; and today is a gift. That is why it's called present. You are the best present of 2023 for me, so I will treasure the moments of today that we have together. It may take time to unlearn the old patterns but your ways are growing on me. I may not say it often, but I really do appreciate you.

Dito muna ako. Tatabihan kita, dahil marami pa tayong oras. I don't have to figure everything out by now because we can do that together as days, weeks, months, and years go by.

I'll be okay.

We'll be okay.

Basta't kayakap ka ay okey.